My Birth Stories – The Final One

5 Feb

The choice was taken away this time. I now knew that I would never be able to deliver a baby naturally. I couldn’t do what other women did, and I couldn’t help but feel I had failed at that. With time, I grew to accept this twist of fate and, as always, tried to find the positives.

Going into labour was not an option for me this time. That meant that I would be able to plan around our third son’s arrival. The suspense would be taken away, yet I could replace it with calm and a certain amount of order. I could make proper plans for our first two children and know that everything would be OK.

There would be no worrying about a real emergency and I could enjoy it from a different perspective. unfortunately, there had been one big problem. I had been having nightmares throughout the entire pregnancy, and some for the two years since baby no.2 arrived. Nightmares about the anaesthetic / epidural. As both of my experiences from it had been frightening, I had grown a huge fear.

We knew we wanted another child all along, but the seed of worry had laid in the back of my mind the whole time. Throughout the pregnancy it had grown into a very real and terrifying fear which I was loosing control of. I had been under specialist care, due to the return of my gestational diabetes. Whilst talking with the specialist team, I confessed my fears. Thankfully, they were wonderful and got me an appointment with the head anaesthetist to chat it through. I was now weeks from having to face my fear and I had to get control.

I met ‘Gary’ and he restored my faith. He was, literally, fantastic. He explained to me that some people do react differently to these things and that everyone is different. He said that the first epidural clearly hadn’t worked, so on baby no.2 they had increased the amount of anesthetic which was then too much for me. It’s a fine line with anesthesia and it needs to be right. He told me that a spinal block would be much better for me and that he could now work out the exact amounts I should have, of all the various drugs involved. He told me that he would happily take the case on himself and would talk me through every single step. He explained that I probably would still get some breathlessness, sickness and a few other things, but that he would tell me when they were coming and how to work through them. I was happy and ready to take it on.

Due to the diabetes, my two previous c-sections and a few other factors, going into labour was not a factor. My scaring was still pretty bad because of the first rushed operation and the risk of rupture was quite high. They needed to leave baby where he was for as long as possible as they were concerned about some of the complications from my diabetes. He was safest to stay where he was, however, the longer he stayed where he was, the greater risk to my scars rupturing. It was a balance that the consultant wanted to tread very carefully on.

Baby was also due just after Christmas which meant less hospital staff around at the time they wanted to operate. After much debate, the consultant agree to operate 2wks before my due date. I knew when my baby was coming, I didn’t have to worry about labour, I was calmer about the anaesthesia, things were falling into place nicely.

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